14 of the best ‘burns’ you’ve heard on the golf course
What’s better than a round of golf?
The fresh air, the pristine scenery, the hope of a great shot or a personal-best score, the company of friends, the serenity and… the banter.
Few sports lend themselves to more outstanding banter than golf. Show up for a round of golf and it can quickly morph into a 3 ½-hour Friars Club Roast.
The (friendly) abuse can be relentless, but it can provide memories of comic relief for countless rounds to come.
Here’s a collection of our favorite answers, in no particular order.
14. “After I played in the Warrior Open, President Bush was going around talking about shots he had seen that day. One shot I thought he missed he said, ‘oh, you mean that time you shanked it and almost killed @jjhenrygolf.’
“I almost died of embarrassment and everyone else laughed!” — @TGolfer83
13. “Friend played in Ireland with his dad. Caddie forced him to hit a club he thought was too short for conditions. Ball ended up inches from cup. Caddie, in thick Irish brogue, says: ‘Remember, you are nothing but the fooking golfer, but I, I am the caddie.’” — @kevin_demsky
12. “True story… League I was in Northwest Ohio, on a par 3 over water, 2 handicapper hits into the water (140 yds). Drops on the tee, behind the markers, hits it in the hole. Biggest smartass in the league was playing against him. He IMMEDIATELY says, ‘NICE PAR.’” — @MartinMcSports
11. “Got joined with a threesome on a guy trip about 12th hole. Number 15 one guy says to the other, ‘Hey Carl, what’s a flagstick weigh?’
Carl: ‘I don’t know.’
One guy: ‘Well why don’t pick one up and find out?’” — @teedoffrich
10. “Caddie Day tournament. Dozens of members around first tee. I swing way too hard. Whiff. Ball falls off tee. Somewhat non-sober member yells, ‘Hey, kid! You still got a no-hitter going!’ Everyone (but me) doubled over in laughter.” — @vedderkj
9. “Friend asked if he could hit my Callaway Warbird off the 18th. Swings. Clubhead flies down the fairway. Hands me the driver and says, ‘club’s not used to being hit by a man.’” — @rphardie
8. “When a friend had a mammoth putt and hits a bobbling, bouncing putt that comes up way short say, ‘well it looked good in the air.’” — @XanderMumbles
7. “After hitting two into the weeds, my friend asked the head pro: ‘what am I doing wrong?’
Pro said: ‘you’re standing too close to it… after you hit it.’
Gave me a good laugh.” — @soarshigh701
6. “Got called ‘Big Slasher’ after pounding one into a tree 30 yards in front of the tee while on a par 5… by the guy on a lawn mower cutting the grass. Afterward, he just fired the mower up and drove off. My buddy was dying.” — @BairdyC72
5. “‘I could see you were a good golfer at one time Mike’… Caddie Killer Kiltie at Turnberry Scotland.” — @mcgrathm27
4. “2009 playing in the Waste Management Phoenix Open Pro-Am. I put two balls in the water on 15. Walking into the tunnel on 16. So nervous. I hear, ‘hey buddy, there’s no water on 16.’ I was actually kinda excited I got heckled.” — @dandiggins
3. “Walking to our tee balls. Me: ‘Did you hear they’re building a Walmart here?’
Me: ‘Somewhere between your ball and mine.’” — @mjmike1
2. “‘Did you catch all that?’ After someone rolls a drive.” — @amcveigh32
1. “Playing partner hits it into the bushes, we walk up to it, starts looking and goes around backside of the bush. Other playing partner (Navy mates of 25 years) says, ‘Ambitious. You didn’t hit it that well.’” — @mradrianmiller