Billy Foster’s hilarious Tiger Woods, Ryder Cup toilet story

By Luke Kerr-Dineen · September 24, 2018

Editor’s note: This story was originally published in July 2018.

There were lots of good caddie moments this week, but for caddie of the week, we’re going retro. We’re throwing it back 16 years, because frankly, this story deserves it. It’s an all-timer, and it’ll leave you stitches.

It comes via Billy Foster, the legendary caddie for Seve Ballesteros, Darren Clarke and Lee Westwood, who hopped on the European Tour’s podcast to share this A+ story about Tiger Woods at the 2002 Ryder Cup. It seriously has everything: Rhyming cockney slang, toilet humor, Tiger Woods — everything.

Let’s get going:

“I said to Darren, ‘Darren, the old flock of seagulls are flapping, I need to go for a Tom Kite. I’ll be back in a minute.'”

I’m English and even I don’t have any idea what the first half of that sentence means, but the second — “Tom Kite” — is brilliant. Not going to go into detail, but let’s just say he said it right before he went to the bathroom, and he’s saying it because it (kinda) rhymes with something else.

Follow this link if for the answer (http://www.cockneyrhymingslang.co.uk/slang/tom_kite), but in the meantime, let’s continue…

“So I’ve sat down in cubicle number one, trollies ’round the ankles, just about to give it the full thrust morning glory and I look to the side and, ooooo, full reverse. No toilet paper.”

Nothing dramatic here. Billy simply gets up and moves to another cubicle. Potential disaster avoided.

Enter Tiger Woods, who waltzes straight into the toilet paper-less cubicle Billy just left. Plot twist!

“I’ve just got this vision in my head of Tiger Woods walking up the fifth like John Wayne that’s just got off his horse.”

Foster, after having a good laugh to himself, decides to take mercy on Tiger having almost suffered the same fate himself. He takes about 20 sheets of toilet paper, folds them up, and slides them under the door.

Good Samaritan? Almost.

Except not really.

“And as he grabbed it I went, ‘EUROPE ONE UP!’ and walked out…he came out with the biggest smile on his face. Obviously I told everyone on the putting green and I’ve gone, ‘you owe me Tiger Woods.’ And he just held up his hands and said, ‘Billy Foster, I owe you big time.'”

The best part of it all, Darren Clarke and Thomas Bjorn ended up winning their match against Woods and Paul Azinger 1UP. A total victory by Foster — for Europe — and one well deserving fo Caddie of the Week honors.

Listen to the full clip here:

The story of when Billy Foster took pity on Tiger Woods in the toilet at the 2006 Ryder Cup. 🚽🧻😂 pic.twitter.com/V5W62TS1zH

— The European Tour (@EuropeanTour) June 27, 2018

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